Community

Since we decided to follow the Lord's call to Honduras, I had been told by many different people that the hardest thing about being a missionary is the other missionaries with whom you are serving. Honestly, this seemed a little crazy to me. I thought: How is that possible? These are people that are also called to be here in this place, at this time, just like I am. Though we may be very different people, we are all believers and hand-picked by God to be here at the same time. It can't be that bad, right?

When Peter was in medical school, we had the opportunity to travel to Kenya and work at Kijabe, a mission hospital there. It was a hard two months, but really good at the same time. One of the things I said walking away from those months was that I felt like people there had an opportunity to do community like God has called us to … they lived together, worked together, fellowshipped together … they truly shared life and experienced community. Often in the States, I feel like it is so easy to be an island and to not truly do community. Often, community is spread between so many people (work, church, play, family, etc.) that it can feel hard to really be invested in true community and true relationships, hard to find authenticity and vulnerability. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but in my experience, its hard to come by and hard to maintain. When we were in Kenya for those two months, it seemed so much easier; I was excited to dive into that type of community in Honduras.

When we arrived in Honduras, all the people we met were so kind. They struck me as people who were seeking to follow the Lord and His calling on their lives. I was excited to live in community and to get to know these people more. I still am. But, you know what? It's hard. Not because of these people; these people are amazing. But, I am forced, on a daily, often moment by moment basis, to be in true community with people. I am forced to be in relationship with people. All the time. Even when I'm cranky. Even when I would rather be left alone. Even when I would rather run away (yes, I tend to be a runner in relationships when things get hard). I see these people at work. At church. At Biblestudy. When I drive into town. When I wake up in the morning. When I have parenting wins. When I have parenting fails. When I am impatient with everyone around me. When I am sad. When I'm happy. When I'm at my best. When I'm at my worst. All the time. We live in community. All the time.

I don't think the hardest thing about being a missionary is the other missionaries. So far, I think one of the hardest thing about being a missionary is being forced to examine myself, how I do relationships and how I do community. It's being forced to be real and vulnerable and to love the people around me even when I don't feel like it. I have to … Talk to people when I don't want to. Confront others when I am frustrated. Apologize and admit when I have been wrong. Forgive and let things go. Support people and be there for them even when I'm exhausted. Love outside of myself. Love like Jesus calls me to love. It's hard. Its good. Its real. Its true. Its rich. Its love. Its community. And it is what God has called me into.

It's hard. Jesus is showing me things about myself that need work. He is showing me how to love better, how to do community and relationships better. He is showing me how to live and love outside of myself. I don't get it right all the time. I don't think I get it right even most of the time. I am grateful for a God who loves me through all of the mess and gives me more grace than I could ever deserve. And I am grateful to be in a place that is teaching me what it truly means to live and love in community.

- Katie