Chasing the Moments

At some point in the past few months, Peter and I were talking about life. It's hard. Why does it have to hurt so much? Why does it have to feel like such a struggle? Peter said to me that we have to appreciate the good moments. Look for the moments that are good, recognize them, recognize Jesus in them, thank Him for them.
The past month has been a hard one. It has been so good to see how the Lord is pushing us to Honduras, but it has been HARD. It turns out that selling your house and giving away all your stuff is hard. I know in my head that I don't want to put value in my stuff, but I do it anyway. I know that I want my treasure to be in heaven and not on earth (Matthew 6:19-21), but its hard to make that a reality. Well, maybe you have it mastered ... I'll say, its been hard for me. The Lord has been challenging me to practice what I say that I believe. And its been HARD.
And honestly, I've been struggling with the whole missionary thing ... not sure that I really want to go, not sure why He's choosing me for this, not sure I'm up for it. Again, I know in my head that I want to do and be where He wants me to be, but crap, its HARD, and my heart is having a hard time catching up. I don't want to leave my family. I don't want to leave my friends, or our church, or the girls school ... the list goes on and on. And then I wonder if I'm really cut out for this, would I be having all these fears and things I don't want to leave? If I was really good missionary material, wouldn't I just be happy to go?
Yet, I have to trust Him and trust that He knows me best, that He knows my family best. I have to trust that He has it all figured out and that He wants to use me. And there we are back to that trust word. I have been running into that a lot lately ... with my girls, with me, with His plans for us. He is asking me to trust. It. Is. Hard.
Parenting has been HARD. We have gone through so much change in the last month - the girls are adjusting just like we are and they have been crazy, to say the least. I am struggling with knowing how to discipline, how to love, how to not lose my patience when I have said the same thing for the 10th time to you .... just OBEY! How do I show Jesus's love to my girls? Am I showing them His love? How can I do this better .... or, lets be honest, how can I get through today?
But tonight, we had was one of those moments that Peter and I had been talking about. Such a sweet moment. We had been out at my parents house (have I mentioned how incredible my parents are?) having dinner and were on our way home. The windows were down (praise Jesus for cooler weather!). The music was blaring. The girls were dancing and screaming in delight. Peter and I were singing. And I was overcome with the Lord's goodness to me. He chose me. He chose me to raise these amazingly beautiful girls. Even thought I get frustrated, they are incredible. And he chose me for them. Wow. And he chose me to go to Honduras. Me. Me, who feels totally inadequate. Me, who so often feels out of place, who struggles with having a conversation with someone who I don't know. He called me. He has a plan for ME. He wants to use ME. He believes in ME. And that, makes me so excited for Honduras, so excited to go and see the plans He has. I am blown away by his care and his love and his purposes for me. And you know what? He has a plan for YOU. He chose you for your kids. He chose you for your job. He chose you to love on that person who you meet today. He wants to use you. I am struggling and learning how to say yes to Him, how to allow Him to use me and (this one is hard) learning how to be excited about what He's doing. I'm hoping and praying that the more I say yes, the more I get excited, the more those moments will run together because I will be experiencing more Jesus. I am praying that my eyes will be more and more opened to see Him. I know He's there, I just have to look for him, to chase after him. Will you practice saying yes with me? Will you practice getting excited about what He's doing? Let's run after Him together and chase those moments.

Training Conference

Peter and I had the opportunity to travel to Tennessee and Virginia for a conference/training with our sending agency, Christian Health Service Corps. We were gone for a week. Just Peter and I, no girls.

What?!?! I know, crazy. My mom, my dad, my Aunt Becky, and our friend Nikki are saints. Seriously. If you've been around my girls, you know that they are first and foremost AWESOME. But second, a huge handful. But they were so happy and content because they had amazingly wonderful family taking care of them!! Peter and I missed them WAY more than they missed us. But anyways, the conference ...

The view from the first four days of training. 

The first part of the conference was through Christian Medical and Dental Association. That part of it lasted for 3.5 days. It was packed with great information for us to think about and consider as we plan to move our family to Honduras in January (anybody else realizing that this is coming up very quickly?!?!). The next 1.5 days were with Christian Health Services Corps. There we learned a lot about fundraising and about safety while living in a new country. It was a great week. We met a lot of awesome missionary families who are planning to go to various parts of the world. It was inspiring to meet these different families and to hear about how God is working and moving and directing their lives.

As a bonus, Betsy and Donnie (my sister and her husband), live close to where the conference was held. We got to see them for dinner one night. They are so incredible. And fun. And awesome. If you don't know them, well, you should :)


Side note - a moving sidewalk in our terminal in the Charlotte airport caught fire while we were there! So. Crazy. This picture is of the gate that shut, trapping us in the end of the terminal. For 10 hours. So thankful the girls weren't with us!

Our not-so-happy faces after being trapped in the terminal for 10 hours!

Young Lives Camp

We had the opportunity, about two weeks ago, to spend a week at Lost Canyon, a Young Life camp in Northern Arizona. Peter was the camp doctor for the Young Lives week. It was awesome and hard and awesome :) Young Lives is a ministry that reaches out to teen moms, girls aged 13-18, who have babies of their own. Many of them have never heard about Jesus. Their leaders spend time with them building relationships and trying to be Jesus in their lives. Then they are given the opportunity to come to camp for a week. While at camp, volunteers fly in from across the country to watch the babies so that these girls can experience camp and be shown the love of Jesus. Throughout the week, these young moms are presented with the gospel message and with an invitation to follow Jesus. This picture is of all of the moms that made a decision to follow Jesus that week. Wow!!! So. Incredible.
Peter was the doctor for the week and he was BUSY. As he treated the girls and their babies, he spoke truth into their lives - praying with them (many of whom told him that they had never prayed), encouraging them, being a Godly male influence in their lives. Time after time, he would observe the girls, see their babies and what a great job they were doing taking care of them. He told the moms, "You are doing a good job. You are a good mom, " at which point they often burst into tears. No one had ever told them that before. It was such a blessing to be able to be apart of such an incredible ministry.
As a bonus, our girls LOVED it!! While Peter was doctoring, we

Skeeball!

spent the entire week outside playing, feeding the horses, slopping the pigs (yuck!), playing frisbee, playing in the rain, swimming, going down the water slides. Kenna went down both of the water slides all by herself!! She is one brave 4year old!!

Watching messy games

So. Beautiful. 

Slopping the pigs

Feeding the horses

The slides Kenna went down all by herself!

Koley

I first noticed that she had little tiny bumps all around her mouth. I was watching closely to make sure those bumps didn't spread. After about 15 minutes, she seemed itchy all over and I saw that the bumps were indeed spreading. So, I gave her some Benadryl and waited, hoping the Benadryl would take care of the problem. The rash got worse, so I called Peter (at work) and gave her more Benadryl. The rash continued to get worse. I called Peter again, put the girls in the car, and headed for the hospital. All the while, the rash was getting worse and she was freaking out.

As I was driving, I was having flashbacks to when I made a similar drive to the hospital with Kenna the first time she had peanut butter. And still more flashbacks to Halloween of this past year when we almost lost Kenna because she ate a Butterfinger. "Oh Jesus, help us."

I continued driving, watching to make sure she was still breathing. As we sat at a stoplight, about halfway to the hospital, she started vomiting. And I started to freak out. And pray some more. 

We made it to the hospital. Peter met me at the door, grabbed her from her car seat, and rushed her inside. They were able to start an IV, give her more medicine and stop the reaction. We stayed for three hours so that the doctors could observe her and make sure that the reaction truly was over. And now she is fine. 

It came on so quickly. I gave her scrambled eggs. We have been having a hard time getting her to eat protein. So, I thought I would try eggs. I watched her closely to watch and make sure she didn't have a reaction. Because of the allergies that run in Peter's family, and now in ours, I am very careful any time I give her a new food. For some reason I thought eggs would be fine. But they weren't. SO now we know. We are an egg and nut free family.

So thankful this beautiful girl is ok!

Peter and I have been talking a lot lately about trusting the Lord, about how much of our trust we give to Him. Some things we give Him willingly, others we hold back,  not sure that we are willing to surrender. Daily, it is a choice to give those things up to Him - often for me, not just a daily choice, but a moment-by-moment choice. One of the things I keep a close grip on - my girls. I know in my head that He is trustworthy, but my heart doesn't believe it - I am too afraid that I could lose them. But yesterday, the Lord asked me, challenged me to trust Him with Koley. And so, I practiced trust. I looked and remembered the ways that God has been faithful to me and to our family in the past and applied that to this situation with Koley, believing that even now, He is faithful. Even if that meant, I might lose her, I choose to trust, believing that He is still faithful. Every day is a journey with Him. This morning, I am feeling so grateful that His hand of protection was on my precious girl. Thank you, Jesus, for your grace!