Questions

Being a missionary is the weirdest thing I have ever done. It is so strange to be a part of a group of people, most of whom I have never met before, but yet I feel like I can identify with and understand them more than I can many of the people from my "home" town. It's weird. I didn't know what the term ex-pat meant before we moved to Honduras and now I have joined the ranks of them. Some of these missionary people I like, some of them I don't; some of them I agree with, some of them I don't. It's like this big giant weird group of people, most of whom, are just trying to love Jesus and love people in the way that makes sense to them. 

The thing about loving people and living life in the way that makes sense to me, is that my way doesn't often make sense to other people in the same exact way it makes sense to me. And when I say that, I mean that same group of people who are all reading their Bibles, all showing up and spending time with Jesus, trying so hard to be faithful to him and his call.

Jesus tells me to love my neighbor. Seems simple enough. But, is it simple? What does it look like to love my neighbor? Does it look like building you a house and giving you my clothes and paying for your education? Does it look like finding you a job so that you can pay for those things on you own? Does it look like empowering you to make changes in your own life?  Does it look like sitting and listening to the heartache and the tears? Does it look like laughing so hard together we cry? Does it look like holding your baby or watching your kids or making you dinner? Does it look like just showing up to just be present? Does loving my neighbor look the same in your culture as it does in my culture? And what culture are we talking about? My passport country culture? My country of residence culture? My ex-pat culture? All of the sudden, I have gotten so confused. I started out trying to follow a seemingly straight forward command and I thought myself into circles. And so it happens. I can try so hard to make sure I get it right that I forget or talk myself out of just doing it. 

Prayer is making a huge difference for me as I try to get out of my head and just do it, just love. That pray without ceasing thing is really a hard thing, but wow is it powerful. He really does hear. He really does listen. And he really does help me to love the person he puts in front of me today. 

Do I know all the answers about how to best love? Nope. Sure don't. Do I agree with all of the choices that I see the different people in my different circles and cultures making? Nope. Do I need to keep loving anyways? Yep. Do I need to keep praying and talking to the Lord about it all? Yep. Will I ever have all the answers? No. Way. But I know that he will continue to lead me and guide me and show me the way that he wants me to love the people in my life today. 

- Katie