Chasing the Moments

At some point in the past few months, Peter and I were talking about life. It's hard. Why does it have to hurt so much? Why does it have to feel like such a struggle? Peter said to me that we have to appreciate the good moments. Look for the moments that are good, recognize them, recognize Jesus in them, thank Him for them.
The past month has been a hard one. It has been so good to see how the Lord is pushing us to Honduras, but it has been HARD. It turns out that selling your house and giving away all your stuff is hard. I know in my head that I don't want to put value in my stuff, but I do it anyway. I know that I want my treasure to be in heaven and not on earth (Matthew 6:19-21), but its hard to make that a reality. Well, maybe you have it mastered ... I'll say, its been hard for me. The Lord has been challenging me to practice what I say that I believe. And its been HARD.
And honestly, I've been struggling with the whole missionary thing ... not sure that I really want to go, not sure why He's choosing me for this, not sure I'm up for it. Again, I know in my head that I want to do and be where He wants me to be, but crap, its HARD, and my heart is having a hard time catching up. I don't want to leave my family. I don't want to leave my friends, or our church, or the girls school ... the list goes on and on. And then I wonder if I'm really cut out for this, would I be having all these fears and things I don't want to leave? If I was really good missionary material, wouldn't I just be happy to go?
Yet, I have to trust Him and trust that He knows me best, that He knows my family best. I have to trust that He has it all figured out and that He wants to use me. And there we are back to that trust word. I have been running into that a lot lately ... with my girls, with me, with His plans for us. He is asking me to trust. It. Is. Hard.
Parenting has been HARD. We have gone through so much change in the last month - the girls are adjusting just like we are and they have been crazy, to say the least. I am struggling with knowing how to discipline, how to love, how to not lose my patience when I have said the same thing for the 10th time to you .... just OBEY! How do I show Jesus's love to my girls? Am I showing them His love? How can I do this better .... or, lets be honest, how can I get through today?
But tonight, we had was one of those moments that Peter and I had been talking about. Such a sweet moment. We had been out at my parents house (have I mentioned how incredible my parents are?) having dinner and were on our way home. The windows were down (praise Jesus for cooler weather!). The music was blaring. The girls were dancing and screaming in delight. Peter and I were singing. And I was overcome with the Lord's goodness to me. He chose me. He chose me to raise these amazingly beautiful girls. Even thought I get frustrated, they are incredible. And he chose me for them. Wow. And he chose me to go to Honduras. Me. Me, who feels totally inadequate. Me, who so often feels out of place, who struggles with having a conversation with someone who I don't know. He called me. He has a plan for ME. He wants to use ME. He believes in ME. And that, makes me so excited for Honduras, so excited to go and see the plans He has. I am blown away by his care and his love and his purposes for me. And you know what? He has a plan for YOU. He chose you for your kids. He chose you for your job. He chose you to love on that person who you meet today. He wants to use you. I am struggling and learning how to say yes to Him, how to allow Him to use me and (this one is hard) learning how to be excited about what He's doing. I'm hoping and praying that the more I say yes, the more I get excited, the more those moments will run together because I will be experiencing more Jesus. I am praying that my eyes will be more and more opened to see Him. I know He's there, I just have to look for him, to chase after him. Will you practice saying yes with me? Will you practice getting excited about what He's doing? Let's run after Him together and chase those moments.