In this journey that we have been on since we went to that missions conference a year ago and met the people from Loma de Luz, the Lord has been teaching me so many things. I think He is always trying to teach me so many things, but so often I have such a hard time focusing and listening. I have been so shocked by the whirlwind that seems to be my life over the past year, that I have not been able to make it through the days without listening. And He has been teaching.
The things the Lord has been asking of me over the past year have not been easy. I was surprised by how hard it was been to sell my house and to give away everything that own. I have been surprised by how emotional this whole process has been ... thinking of moving my girls so far away from our family is hard. I have told the Lord that I want to say yes to Him. I want to follow Him into what He has for me each day. And I know in my head that it is worth it, but I have found myself wondering why. Why is it worth it? What do people mean when they say that it is so awesome to be in the middle of God's will, even if it means that the place He has me is hard? When I used to hear that, I found myself thinking that those people must just be saying that, but that it can't really be true. And now, the Lord has taught me that it is true, for a couple of reason.
First, I am experiencing His love in ways that I never have before; it is amazing. I have been so blessed with the most fabulous family and an INCREDIBLE, seriously incredible, husband who all love me so well. But, I have to tell you that they have NOTHING on the way Jesus loves me. NOTHING. He has been meeting me in the midst of this pain and struggle and joy. On days when I think I can't possibly do it anymore, I can't possibly say yes, HE IS THERE. He has someone call me in that moment to encourage me. Or send me an email. Or someone joins our support team. He is constantly assuring me that I am not walking this journey alone. He is with me every step of the way, loving me.
Second, He is transforming me and changing me. My whole life, I have been a person who has struggled with fear. Fear of so many things ... insecurities ... fears of what people will think of me ... fears of not fitting in ... fears of failure ... fears of not being enough ... fears of losing the people who mean the most to me ... fears of stepping out in the wrong direction ... fears of making mistakes ... you get the idea, right? Fear. The coolest thing: He is transforming that fear into faith. Changing it. Allowing me to take steps and do things that I never would have done before. Allowing me freedom from that fear. Breaking the chains of fear. Saying no to that fear. Transforming my mind. No. More. Fear. Praise Jesus. Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying its gone. It's still a struggle. But, it is not my master and I am tasting freedom.
When I first felt the Lord call me to the mission field as an 8th grader, I thought that He would have me go on the field once I had it together spiritually and was a spiritual rockstar. Haha. I am definitely not there. Most days, I feel like a hot mess, like I am barely making it through. But, He is there. He is loving me. He is holding me. And He is transforming my mind: replacing my fear with faith.
So, what about you? It's not just me who He wants to do this for. He is dying to love you. He is dying to transform you. In fact, He did die so that you could be free. Free from fear. Free from insecurity. Free from __________. You fill in the blank. He wants to transform your mind. And He wants to love you in the midst of it, better than you have ever been loved before. But you have to say yes. What if you said yes today? What if you ran to Him today, even if it felt like it might kill you? I promise, it won't. He is worth it, my friend. He is so so worth it. He loves you. Let's say yes together today.
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