Heart Change

God is good. All the time. Amen? Amen.

Thank you for letting me be honest and real. It feels vulnerable and scary, but right to be real. I love that about the Lord. He wants the truth of me. He doesn't expect me to be perfect. So often, I think that I expect more of myself than He does. I hold myself to a higher standard than He does. He doesn't expect me to be perfect. He expects me to pursue Him, to love Him, to seek relationship with Him, to be obedient to Him … but perfection? Nope. That's just me who expects that. He knows that living this thing we call the Christian life is about sanctification, about daily learning to be more like Him. He designed it that way. He wants me to lean on Him more. So He can love me more and I can love Him more. He is so good. He is so faithful. Thank you, Jesus, for accepting and loving the truth of me and for walking today with me.

Does heart change bring about a change in actions or does a change in actions bring about heart change? I have been mulling over this for the past few weeks (and then we discussed it at Biblestudy this past week - the Lord is definitely trying to teach me something). I think the answer is yes. I know, it's not a yes or no question. But, I think that both statements are true. I think that at some point our hearts have to change in order for our actions to change. For example, when we make that first decision to follow Jesus, our hearts change. And our actions, if we are actively seeking Jesus, will most likely change. But what about when my heart isn't ready for the things that I know Jesus is asking me to do? Do I wait to obey until my heart is ready? Or do I just obey and pray that my heart will catch up? I have seen that if I obey and follow Jesus where He is leading, my heart will catch up. I decided to start living here and trying to be here in Honduras, to get involved in the place God has called our family to be. The first day was hard, the next was easier, and the next … now it has been two weeks since our last blog post and I can tell you that God is so faithful. He is so good. He is changing my heart. He is giving me a desire to be here, a desire to love well here, a desire to find out why He has us here. He is giving me contentment. I am learning joy. As I obey, my heart is following after me and I am desiring more of this place.

Last week I went down to the Bilingual school that is run by some of our fellow missionaries (where Kenna is attending Kindergarten). It is an incredible place. I loved being there. I got to work with two different students, tutoring them and helping them in areas they are struggling. It was so good for me to remember what it is like to teach, to connect with kids who need so much, to try to see them and love them as Jesus sees them and loves them. I am so grateful that we get to be here, that we get to be a part of the incredible ministries that are happening in this community. I still don't know exactly why the Lord brought me here, but that's ok. I see His hand everywhere we go. I know that He is here. I know that He is working. I know that He has a plan that is so much better than mine. I choose to trust. I'm excited for this journey, excited to dive in and live this life He has called me to live. Obedience is worth it. He is worth it. He is working. The sign on the hospital gate here says "Dios Obra Aqui" - "God is at work here". It's true. He is working. In the community. In the hospital. In my heart. He is changing me and growing me and making me better. He is at work with you too, wherever you are. Look for Him today. Where is He asking you to obey? Where is He asking you to follow? He is worth it.