The Hardest Thing to Leave

I don't know why the Lord chose to bless me with the family that He did, but wow. I am so blessed. I am constantly blown away by the way that they love me and love each other. I am so privileged to have been raised in this family.

Over Christmas break, everyone was home together and it was amazing. As a Christmas present to my parents, we had pictures taken together. And, I know I'm a bit biased :), but they turned out pretty awesome.

They are pretty great, right? Since Christmas, I've been thinking a lot about family and what it means and how my family has changed me. I thought I'd share a little about them; they're incredible.

So, if you don't know my parents, you are missing out. Two of the very best people on the planet. They love God and love the people around them better than anyone else I have ever met. They are truly the salt of the earth. They constantly give. Constantly. If they see a need, they meet it. No questions asked. 

They are a physical representation of Jesus' love. They live the gospel. They love big. They love each other. They are faithful. They are encouragers. They are incredible. I am who I am today because of them. They believe in me and challenge me and support me and love me. They do that for all four of us kids and our spouses and families. I will forever be thankful to the Lord for allowing me the privilege of being their daughter. 

This is my nuclear family (is that what it's called?) Anyways, my parents and us four kids. 

My sister, Claire, is a rockstar. She is one of the most fun people I have ever been around. She is a magnet. You meet her and you want to be friends with her. She embraces life and lives it. She isn't afraid to be who she is. That is such a challenge for me at times and I admire that about her. One of the coolest things has been to watch her over the past few months; she just gave birth to her daughter, Sofia. Watching her transfer into the role of a mother has been incredible. The amount of love and passion that she pours into that precious bundle is so inspiring. She makes me want to be a better mom. Her husband David is the perfect balance for her and has been a great addition to our family. He has taught us so much about culture and life and language (he is from Spain and helps us out with our Spanish). This cute little family is such a blessing. 

My sister, Betsy, is one of the strongest people I have ever met. Her passion for Jesus is captivating. Her relationship with Jesus and her strength combined together are inviting. She handles everything life throws at her with seeming ease and grace. She doesn't back down, but keeps going and keeps pressing into Jesus. Her relationship with Jesus makes me want more Jesus. She is an incredible listener and encourager. She makes me want to live life better. Her husband Donnie is a joy. He instantly puts people at ease. He has been such a breath of fresh air and a true gift to our family. They are amazing. They radiate joy. They radiate Jesus.

My brother, Luke, is faithful and determined. I know, without a doubt, that if I ever needed anything, Luke would be there in an instant. He is my younger brother, but he stands by me like a protective big brother. He doesn't give up. It has been so awesome to see him get married and have his first baby, Hadley. The determined way that he has provided for a taken care of his family is inspiring. I love the way that he loves his wife Kimber and his daughter Hadley (and soon to be Piper - yay!). His wife, Kimber, has been such a great addition to our family. She is easy to be around and so great to talk to. I love getting her input on different things. The way that she loves my brother is refreshing. Their family of three, soon to be four, is awesome. 

I've been so blessed, right? Aren't they all so great? The HARDEST part of going to Honduras for me is leaving all of them. I am so grateful that we have phones and computers for Skype dates and such, but nothing replaces just hanging out and spending time together. The thought of leaving all of them and missing watching their amazing families as they grow up and change just kills me. Seriously. I hate the thought of it. I love them so much. But, I am trusting and believing that God knows better than I do. He has a plan for them in this too. He has a plan for me and my cute little family in Honduras. And he has a plan for them here. Even though I'm not here. If you are where they are and are a part of their lives, will you give them a hug for me from time to time? And, will you pray along with me that I can do the thing today that feels impossible? And, will you pray that you can do the thing that feels impossible? I am trusting that He knows better in my life, and that He knows better in your life. He is worth it. He is worth giving up the thing most dear to us. I am believing that today, will you? 

(And if you're wondering about pics of our cute little family of five, they are coming tomorrow ... Maybe you're not wondering, but I'm dying to share :)  )

Fear to Faith

This past week I (Katie) had the opportunity to speak at the Living Streams (our church) Women's Biblestudy. I have had a lot of people ask me about getting a copy of what I said (I am so humbled and blessed that you would want to hear!), so I thought I would try to summarize my thoughts and journey here. I have to warn you, this is pretty raw Katie. This is the truth of what the Lord is doing in me currently. Honestly, its hard for me to be so open in such a "public" setting about something that is so fresh, but I keep feeling the Lord prompting me to do it, so I hope it is a blessing to you.

In this journey that we have been on since we went to that missions conference a year ago and met the people from Loma de Luz, the Lord has been teaching me so many things. I think He is always trying to teach me so many things, but so often I have such a hard time focusing and listening. I have been so shocked by the whirlwind that seems to be my life over the past year, that I have not been able to make it through the days without listening. And He has been teaching.

The things the Lord has been asking of me over the past year have not been easy. I was surprised by how hard it was been to sell my house and to give away everything that own. I have been surprised by how emotional this whole process has been ... thinking of moving my girls so far away from our family is hard. I have told the Lord that I want to say yes to Him. I want to follow Him into what He has for me each day. And I know in my head that it is worth it, but I have found myself wondering why. Why is it worth it? What do people mean when they say that it is so awesome to be in the middle of God's will, even if it means that the place He has me is hard? When I used to hear that, I found myself thinking that those people must just be saying that, but that it can't really be true. And now, the Lord has taught me that it is true, for a couple of reason.

First, I am experiencing His love in ways that I never have before; it is amazing. I have been so blessed with the most fabulous family and an INCREDIBLE, seriously incredible, husband who all love me so well. But, I have to tell you that they have NOTHING on the way Jesus loves me. NOTHING. He has been meeting me in the midst of this pain and struggle and joy. On days when I think I can't possibly do it anymore, I can't possibly say yes, HE IS THERE. He has someone call me in that moment to encourage me. Or send me an email. Or someone joins our support team. He is constantly assuring me that I am not walking this journey alone. He is with me every step of the way, loving me.

Second, He is transforming me and changing me. My whole life, I have been a person who has struggled with fear. Fear of so many things ... insecurities ... fears of what people will think of me ... fears of not fitting in ... fears of failure ... fears of not being enough ... fears of losing the people who mean the most to me ... fears of stepping out in the wrong direction ... fears of making mistakes ... you get the idea, right? Fear. The coolest thing: He is transforming that fear into faith. Changing it. Allowing me to take steps and do things that I never would have done before. Allowing me freedom from that fear. Breaking the chains of fear. Saying no to that fear. Transforming my mind. No. More. Fear. Praise Jesus. Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying its gone. It's still a struggle. But, it is not my master and I am tasting freedom.

When I first felt the Lord call me to the mission field as an 8th grader, I thought that He would have me go on the field once I had it together spiritually and was a spiritual rockstar. Haha. I am definitely not there. Most days, I feel like a hot mess, like I am barely making it through. But, He is there. He is loving me. He is holding me. And He is transforming my mind: replacing my fear with faith.

So, what about you? It's not just me who He wants to do this for. He is dying to love you. He is dying to transform you. In fact, He did die so that you could be free. Free from fear. Free from insecurity. Free from __________. You fill in the blank. He wants to transform your mind. And He wants to love you in the midst of it, better than you have ever been loved before. But you have to say yes.  What if you said yes today? What if you ran to Him today, even if it felt like it might kill you? I promise, it won't. He is worth it, my friend. He is so so worth it. He loves you. Let's say yes together today. 

Tickets!

We bought plane tickets!! We reached 75% of our funding this past week and are ticketed to leave on January 25th. So. Crazy. Thank you so much to all of you who are getting involved in what the Lord is doing and making this possible! We are so grateful!!
We have had so many questions lately about how we are feeling ... and the answer is, YES. To all of it. We are excited ... this has been a lifelong dream and calling for both Peter and me. We are thrilled that the Lord is making it a reality. We are excited to see what He has planned. We are excited to see where He is leading and to jump in and just do life in Honduras. We are terrified ... we are preparing to move our precious tiny girls to a place that is totally unfamiliar and so far away from home. We are going into an unknown. Who will our friends be? Who will our kids play with? What kind of ministry, exactly, will we be involved in? How will we assimilate? So. Many. Questions. We are sad ... we love our family. We love our friends. We love all of you. It is hard to leave those relationships and hard to say goodbye. It is hard to think about all of the things that we will miss. We can't wait ... doing what God is asking us to do sometimes feels hard, but is also so amazing. Being exactly where I know God wants me to be is the best feeling in the whole world. The knowledge that I am honoring Him with my decision to say yes and follow Him where He leads is unparalleled. I can't wait to start living in the place that He has been preparing me for, that He has been preparing our family for.
Can we say THANK YOU again?!?!? Thank you for your support. Thank you for you kind words. Thank you for your prayers. We are so grateful. You are making a difference.

First Bags Packed

This past week we had the privilege of hanging out with a friend/doctor/future fellow co-worker from Honduras. She came to Phoenix to study for and take her Emergency Medicine Boards. It was so fun to have her here and get to ask her a million questions about what to pack/expect/etc. I'm pretty sure she was tired out and ready to go home after all the talking we did :)
One awesome thing was that she offered to take a bag back for us. When you are planning on putting all of the material possession of a family of five into 8-10 duffel bags, having someone offer you an extra bag is such a blessing. Abby, we are so grateful!!!
Anyways, can I just say that it was WEIRD to pack that first bag?!?!? So. Many. Emotions. So excited that this is, in a small way, starting. So weird that the next time we see that stuff, we will be living in Honduras. I cried and yet was so excited while I packed it.
Sometimes, I can't believe the contrast of emotions that I have about this change that is happening in our lives. How can I be so excited and so scared all at the same time? I'm so glad that when the Lord asks me to obey and to follow Him, He doesn't expect me to feel a certain way, He just wants me to be obedient. I am so grateful that He accepts the realness of me and where I'm at today and that He embraces me in that. What a blessing. And I am so grateful to so many of you who are walking this journey together with us and allowing us to be real about the process. You are changing us and helping us grow. You are making this possible.

The bag partially full of the girls' books and toys

Sister snack time on the patio

Kenna-girl

Every day that passes, this moving thing becomes more and more real. The most recent change is that Peter put his notice in at work. Wow. I don't know why, but that feels so HUGE. We are moving to HONDURAS. To be MISSIONARIES. In 2.5 months. Holy crap. (Is it ok for a missionary to say 'crap'?)

Kenna has been asking a lot lately about the move and what we are going to be doing in Honduras. She has NOT been excited about the move. The things she remembers about our trip in March:

1)Honduras is hot (apparently she doesn't think Phoenix is hot??)
2)Honduras has LOTS of mosquitos (I'm pretty sure she got all the mosquito bites for our entire family when we were there)
3)Honduras has ants (She stood in an ant hill when we were there)

We have been trying to help her think of positive things we can look forward to together. I have also been trying to teach her about missionaries ... explaining to her that missionaries get to go and tell people about Jesus. I have been telling her that SHE is going to be a missionary and that SHE will get to love people and to tell them about Jesus. That idea has made her more excited about the whole thing ... which is so comforting. I want her to be excited.

Anyways, when I picked her up from school today, her teacher told me that they were having a discussion about people who live in other countries. Kenna raised her hand and told her class all about what we are going to be doing in Honduras. When I asked her about it, she told me that she got to stand up and tell all the other kids what being a missionary means and that she gets to be one. Cue tears. I mean, really? Precious.

Thank you, Jesus, for working in my precious Kenna-girl's heart. Thank you for the innocence and sweetness of her heart. Thank you for teaching me as I watch You in her.

Overwhelmed By His Goodness

I am amazed and overwhelmed by how the Lord is working and providing, and assuring me that He is in control. Gosh, He's good. And I am so quick to forget it.

We had our first fundraiser a week ago. It was awesome. The people who came were so gracious and so generous. We were blown away. Before that day, we had none of our monthly support. After that night, we had 18% of our monthly support. Pretty. Cool. At the end of the night everyone prayed over us. Even. Cooler. What an amazing group of people the Lord has surrounded us with who are going to be standing with us in this new journey. We are so grateful!

Fast forward a week. One week is all it took for me to forget how good the Lord is and how much He is providing. I forgot and I started to try to take the reigns. I was beginning to anticipate our second fundraiser and telling the Lord that I couldn't do it; I couldn't ask, I couldn't do this fundraising thing, we were never going to get all of our money. I was panicking.

I mean, really? Hadn't I just seen His faithfulness ONE WEEK AGO?! But, you know what? He is so gentle with me. He continues to show me, not only that He is providing, but that He cares about how I feel about this whole thing and that He is with me in it.

Not two hours later, I checked my email and I had a few emails about four new people who want to join our support team. Wow. The Lord didn't have to do that for me. He didn't have to send me those emails right then, but He did. He knew that I needed encouragement and reassurance; He provided it. He is showing me over and over that He doesn't just care about my physical needs, but He cares about me: my thoughts, my feelings, the deepest parts of me. I am blown away by His love for me. And He loves YOU the same way.

Tonight we had a second fundraiser event and it went so well; just as incredible as the last one. We have the most amazing people who are partnering with us in this Honduras thing and we couldn't be more excited. After tonight we are 37% funded for our monthly budget!!

Thank you to those of you who are getting involved. Thank you to those of you who are being so gracious and generous. Thank you for partnering with us. Thank you for believing in us. Thank you for sharing in our excitement. And thank you, Jesus, for caring about us like you do. Thank you for caring about the little details in our lives. Help us to see you in those moments where you are loving on us.

A few pictures from the first event we had ... I forgot to take pictures at the second one.

What a blessing!

Community

So, tomorrow night we have our first fundraiser event. With people we know. To admit we have a need. To admit that we can't do it alone. To ask for help. Crap.

Why is it so hard to ask for help. Why is it so hard to admit that I need help? Why do I always want to look like I have it all together, like I can do this thing without any help? And who do I think I'm fooling?

The Lord designed me to live in community with people, to depend on the people around me, to need the people around me. He made me this way. Why do I run from it? I mean, I like community when its fun and we are laughing and playing together ...but community when I have to be real and admit my struggles and ask for help and accountability? Not. Fun. Well, not fun in the admitting, not fun in the asking, and so ridiculously humbling ... BUT amazing in the receiving. Amazing in the seeing how God provides. Amazing in seeing how the Lord created all of our strengths to form and fit together.

As we have been on this journey the Lord has brought a passage to us: 1 Samuel 30. In it, David goes to battle. Their town has been pillaged and he is going to battle to get back what was stolen from them. He takes some men with him to fight and rescue the women and children and bring them home. He leaves some men back in the town to guard what is there. When he comes back from battle, the men that went to fight with him agree to give the men who stayed back their wives and children. But, they don't want to give those men a share of the plunder. David, disagrees with this. He says that ALL men were needed to win the battle and that they will ALL share EQUALLY of the plunder.

That's pretty cool. We are all needed. We all have a role to play. Whether or not we like our role, whether or not we feel like we are making a difference, we ALL have a role to play and we will ALL share in the plunder. You are needed and you make a difference. I am needed and I make a difference. Big or small. YOU ARE NEEDED.

This is how we feel about Honduras. God is calling us to go, but we CANNOT do it alone. As He is calling us to go, He is calling people here to stay and get involved in what we are doing there. And here comes the part I struggle with so much ... admitting our need and asking for help ...

First, through prayer. We will not make it if we don't have people committed to pray for us. We just won't. We need you to pray. Will you pray about joining our prayer team to pray for us every month as we work in Honduras?

Second, we need finances. Why o why is this so hard to ask for and admit to? Seriously, I'm cringing as I type these words. But, you know what, I KNOW that He is calling me to ask. He wants me to admit that I have a need (ugh). And so, I'm asking. Would you talk to the Lord about whether or not He is calling you to join our financial support team? Our monthly budget is $4500, which broken into 30 days, is $150/day. Would you pray about sponsoring our family for one day/half a day/a third of a day every month?

If you will commit to partnering with us through prayer or finances, pick a day - on that day, as you pray for us and support, we will be praying for you and your family. The Lord is calling us to live in community, which means, we will hopefully be ministering to you as you minister to us.

If He is calling you to partner with us, you can go to the link that is in the "Partnership and Support" tab - we need to have 80% on our money committed in order to buy our plane tickets ... so, if He's calling you, click that link :) and if you do click the link, shoot us an email so we know and can keep tally for buying our plane tickets ... and can add you to our support and prayer list.

Third, come visit us!! We would LOVE to have you come and join in the amazing work that is happening in Honduras.

(whew, I did it!)

Some pictures of my super cute family to lighten the mood ...

Playing in the "lake" at the park after the rain

Z taking a break in the "lake"

Koley lovin' the mud

Kenna's not so sure about the mud situation

I mean, common, could they be any cuter? ;)