Community

Since we decided to follow the Lord's call to Honduras, I had been told by many different people that the hardest thing about being a missionary is the other missionaries with whom you are serving. Honestly, this seemed a little crazy to me. I thought: How is that possible? These are people that are also called to be here in this place, at this time, just like I am. Though we may be very different people, we are all believers and hand-picked by God to be here at the same time. It can't be that bad, right?

When Peter was in medical school, we had the opportunity to travel to Kenya and work at Kijabe, a mission hospital there. It was a hard two months, but really good at the same time. One of the things I said walking away from those months was that I felt like people there had an opportunity to do community like God has called us to … they lived together, worked together, fellowshipped together … they truly shared life and experienced community. Often in the States, I feel like it is so easy to be an island and to not truly do community. Often, community is spread between so many people (work, church, play, family, etc.) that it can feel hard to really be invested in true community and true relationships, hard to find authenticity and vulnerability. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but in my experience, its hard to come by and hard to maintain. When we were in Kenya for those two months, it seemed so much easier; I was excited to dive into that type of community in Honduras.

When we arrived in Honduras, all the people we met were so kind. They struck me as people who were seeking to follow the Lord and His calling on their lives. I was excited to live in community and to get to know these people more. I still am. But, you know what? It's hard. Not because of these people; these people are amazing. But, I am forced, on a daily, often moment by moment basis, to be in true community with people. I am forced to be in relationship with people. All the time. Even when I'm cranky. Even when I would rather be left alone. Even when I would rather run away (yes, I tend to be a runner in relationships when things get hard). I see these people at work. At church. At Biblestudy. When I drive into town. When I wake up in the morning. When I have parenting wins. When I have parenting fails. When I am impatient with everyone around me. When I am sad. When I'm happy. When I'm at my best. When I'm at my worst. All the time. We live in community. All the time.

I don't think the hardest thing about being a missionary is the other missionaries. So far, I think one of the hardest thing about being a missionary is being forced to examine myself, how I do relationships and how I do community. It's being forced to be real and vulnerable and to love the people around me even when I don't feel like it. I have to … Talk to people when I don't want to. Confront others when I am frustrated. Apologize and admit when I have been wrong. Forgive and let things go. Support people and be there for them even when I'm exhausted. Love outside of myself. Love like Jesus calls me to love. It's hard. Its good. Its real. Its true. Its rich. Its love. Its community. And it is what God has called me into.

It's hard. Jesus is showing me things about myself that need work. He is showing me how to love better, how to do community and relationships better. He is showing me how to live and love outside of myself. I don't get it right all the time. I don't think I get it right even most of the time. I am grateful for a God who loves me through all of the mess and gives me more grace than I could ever deserve. And I am grateful to be in a place that is teaching me what it truly means to live and love in community.

- Katie

Stockton Baby #4

We are so excited to announce that in September of this year, Stockton baby girl #4 will be joining our family!! We couldn't be happier and more excited to meet her!

We will be coming back to Phoenix for her birth. We arrive in Phoenix in the middle of August and will be staying through the middle of October. We would love to connect with you during this time and to introduce you to the newest member of our family. Thanks so much for being a part of our lives!

The Good Things

I can't believe it has been a month since I last updated the blog. Time is passing so quickly! Yesterday I was talking to my mom (have I mentioned she's awesome?!) and she asked me about positive things I am seeing here, things I like, ways I see God working. At first, it took me a minute. Once I started listing, I kept thinking of more things. God is changing me. He is changing our family. I still don't totally understand our purpose here, but I know He is faithful and I am looking for the ways He is working. This is the list I gave my mom:

1. I like the changes I see in my girls. They seems less prissy. They seem less picky. They are interested in bugs and want to play in the dirt. They will eat almost everything I serve them. They don't whine as much. They are learning Spanish and will start a conversation with someone in Spanish. They are NOT by any means perfect. We are still struggling with behavior, but I like the changes I see in them. I like who they are becoming. I like who Jesus is making them. I like who Honduras is making them.
2. I like that Peter is home in the mornings. At home, he would leave for work before the girls were up, before I was up. Here, He is able to eat breakfast with us. We can have devotions together as a family. He takes the girls to school for me so that I can have 20minutes to read my Bible before the day starts. I like that we can start the day together as a family. 
3. I like that I have been able to start using some of my counseling background. Not a ton, but a bit. It's been a long time since I've been able to and I love it. I love listening. I love trying to hear the Lord in the midst of other's lives. I love having God use me in this way. I like that Honduras is bringing that out of me.
4. I like going to the beach. I never thought that we would live in a place so close to the beach. And I love it. We go down there about once a weeks a family. The girls love it. Peter and I love it. I like living close to the beach.
5. I like the changes I see in Peter. He enjoys going to work. He enjoys what He is doing. He feels fulfilled when He comes home. I like being around him. I like him. I like the person he is in Honduras.  

As I make the list, I continue to think of more things to add. Gratitude is like that. The more we thank, the more we find to be thankful for. About a year ago, I read the book One Thousand Gifts by Anne Voscamp. A friend reminded me of it last night. If you haven't read it, you should. It's so good. Reminds us to be thankful, to find God in the little and ordinary and mundane things. He is there. He is good. 

Another great thing about being here are my neighbors. They have been a HUGE blessing. One of my neighbors has taken a ton of great pictures of the girls at the beach and at the playground. I thought you would enjoy seeing them … well, I'll enjoy sharing them :)

Thanks for your support and your love. We love and are so grateful for all of you!

Heart Change

God is good. All the time. Amen? Amen.

Thank you for letting me be honest and real. It feels vulnerable and scary, but right to be real. I love that about the Lord. He wants the truth of me. He doesn't expect me to be perfect. So often, I think that I expect more of myself than He does. I hold myself to a higher standard than He does. He doesn't expect me to be perfect. He expects me to pursue Him, to love Him, to seek relationship with Him, to be obedient to Him … but perfection? Nope. That's just me who expects that. He knows that living this thing we call the Christian life is about sanctification, about daily learning to be more like Him. He designed it that way. He wants me to lean on Him more. So He can love me more and I can love Him more. He is so good. He is so faithful. Thank you, Jesus, for accepting and loving the truth of me and for walking today with me.

Does heart change bring about a change in actions or does a change in actions bring about heart change? I have been mulling over this for the past few weeks (and then we discussed it at Biblestudy this past week - the Lord is definitely trying to teach me something). I think the answer is yes. I know, it's not a yes or no question. But, I think that both statements are true. I think that at some point our hearts have to change in order for our actions to change. For example, when we make that first decision to follow Jesus, our hearts change. And our actions, if we are actively seeking Jesus, will most likely change. But what about when my heart isn't ready for the things that I know Jesus is asking me to do? Do I wait to obey until my heart is ready? Or do I just obey and pray that my heart will catch up? I have seen that if I obey and follow Jesus where He is leading, my heart will catch up. I decided to start living here and trying to be here in Honduras, to get involved in the place God has called our family to be. The first day was hard, the next was easier, and the next … now it has been two weeks since our last blog post and I can tell you that God is so faithful. He is so good. He is changing my heart. He is giving me a desire to be here, a desire to love well here, a desire to find out why He has us here. He is giving me contentment. I am learning joy. As I obey, my heart is following after me and I am desiring more of this place.

Last week I went down to the Bilingual school that is run by some of our fellow missionaries (where Kenna is attending Kindergarten). It is an incredible place. I loved being there. I got to work with two different students, tutoring them and helping them in areas they are struggling. It was so good for me to remember what it is like to teach, to connect with kids who need so much, to try to see them and love them as Jesus sees them and loves them. I am so grateful that we get to be here, that we get to be a part of the incredible ministries that are happening in this community. I still don't know exactly why the Lord brought me here, but that's ok. I see His hand everywhere we go. I know that He is here. I know that He is working. I know that He has a plan that is so much better than mine. I choose to trust. I'm excited for this journey, excited to dive in and live this life He has called me to live. Obedience is worth it. He is worth it. He is working. The sign on the hospital gate here says "Dios Obra Aqui" - "God is at work here". It's true. He is working. In the community. In the hospital. In my heart. He is changing me and growing me and making me better. He is at work with you too, wherever you are. Look for Him today. Where is He asking you to obey? Where is He asking you to follow? He is worth it.

The first two weeks

So, I have been needing to update the blog, wanting to let you all know how we are doing and how the first few weeks are going. But I have been avoiding it. Because, frankly, it's been really hard. Really hard. And I have been struggling. And I don't like to admit that; not at all. But we can be real with each other, right? Realness is refreshing when I see it and experience it in other people. It helps me know that I am not alone - I am not the only one who feels this way or struggles like I do. So here, friends, is the truth of the past two weeks.

I knew that coming here would not be a breeze - we left a lot - big house, secure job, great church, incredible family, amazing friends. I knew that that would be hard, but honestly, I avoided dealing with the emotions of all of that while we were home because it felt too hard and too overwhelming. And then we arrived. In Honduras. An hour away from a grocery store or any sort of store. With all new people (which for an introvert like me is quite a challenge, though for Peter it is super fun). Away from family. With three crying girls. And I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with homesickness - for my mom and dad and family and church and friends and even our little apartment. Overwhelmed with the desire for the familiar. Overwhelmed with the exhaustion of what we had just gone through. Overwhelmed with taking care of three girls age four and under. Overwhelmed with cooking. And new food. And Spanish. And new relationships. Just. Plain. Overwhelmed.

Moving is always hard. But it feels crazy hard this time. And, I don't really understand it all. I don't understand our purpose here. I don't understand my purpose here. I don't understand why we need to be here, so far away from all of the people that we love. I don't understand why we couldn't keep loving people in Phoenix and doing our Jesus thing there. Why here, Lord? It seems crazy. I have been struggling so much - I have felt paralyzed - in a way that I have never experienced before in my life - unable to cope - for two weeks.

Any time over the past few weeks that I have prayed, I have felt the Lord say, "Trust me." And that has made me mad - super awesome spiritual missionary, right? But, it has. I feel like I have trusted so much and given up so much and I don't want to trust. It feels hard. And I want to go home.

Yesterday morning, Peter could see that I was struggling and very graciously took the girls outside for a couple of hours so I could have some time. I sat on our bed and bawled my eyes out. And prayed. And told the Lord all the things that hurt and didn't like and didn't understand. And He slowly and kindly reminded me of truths that I have known, but have wanted to push to the back because it feels so hard to hold onto truth. But He is worth it. He is faithful. And He is trustworthy. And His truth is so much better and richer even if it is hard. These are the verses He brought to me.

Exodus 14: 13-14
Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still."

Joshua 21: 45
Not one of all the Lord's good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.

Joshua 23: 8
But you are to hold fast to the Lord your God, as you have until now.

Trust me, He is saying. He will fight for me. I don't have to strive. I don't have to have the energy. He will do it. Trust me, He is saying. He has been faithful to fulfill His promises and He will do it again. Trust me, He is saying. Cling to Him and don't let go. He is my lifeline and the way that I have made it through in the past and that I will make it through in the now and in the future. Trust me, He is saying. So today, I choose to trust. Even though it's hard. Even though I don't understand. I choose to trust Him in this Honduras thing. Where is He asking you to trust Him today? He is faithful.

We Made It

The past few weeks have been such a whirlwind I don't even know where to begin. Packing up our house into ten suitcases, getting together all of the last minute things, and saying goodbye to friends and family was exhausting. Thank you so much to all of you who helped us out during the last few weeks!! We could not have done it without you. And we did it!

                   Here we are with the truck loaded up before heading to the airport.

And these are our bags piled high to take inside. 

Notice the devious look on Koley's face? Me either. But I should've because we were in for it!

She finally gave up and went to sleep. Best. Thing. Ever. Having this precious one sleep in my arms.

Peter and Kinzie getting ready to watch a movie before take-off.

It was a crazy two days of travel: Koley with an allergic reaction before we boarded the plane, crying girls, tired girls, exploding diapers, more luggage than we could carry …. but we survived and we are here. Praise Jesus.

It has been a crazy 24 hours. We had the WARMEST welcome buy everyone here. People to carry our luggage inside when we arrived, presents for the girls, fresh bread, dinner invitation, people willing to help however they can. I have been overcome by the kindness and open arms that have received us. What a gift. 

It feels surreal. Part of me feels like I am just moving into a new apartment as I unpack our things. And the other part of me cannot stop thinking about the fact that WE LIVE IN HONDURAS NOW. It feels like we have been planning and praying about this for so long and now we are here and we are living it. So. Crazy. 

The thing that is the craziest to me, I think, is that I feel peaceful. I don't know why that is surprising to me, but it is. I feel overwhelmed with trying to figure everything out here and make a new life in someplace that is so different from everything I am used to and so far away from all of the people that I love, but I feel at peace. I keep crying because I miss my family, but I feel at peace. I don't understand the money, but I am at peace. I don't understand the culture, but I am at peace. So many things that feel overwhelming and yet I am at peace. I am convinced that this is the place for which the Lord has been preparing my family and that, my friends, is an incredible feeling. I know that things will not be easy. I know they will be confusing and hard and challenging and that I will probably want to come home at times, but I also know that we serve a great big God and that He has great plans for me. I am so excited to discover those plans as we live life here in Honduras. And I am grateful for His peace that assures me that I am exactly where He wants me. 

Stockton Family Pictures

I know you were all waiting in anticipation to see these pics ;) I am so in love with my cute little fam. They are amazing. And crazy. And impossible. And beautiful. They drive me crazy and make me happier than I have ever been. I love them more than I can explain and am so grateful that God gave me the blessing of being their mama. 

This one is quite possibly by favorite out of the whole bunch. Peter is an incredible Daddy to these babies and they adore him. I see that written all over this picture, don't you?

Kenna is one of the sweetest most precious girls you will ever meet. She has an amazingly tender and sensitive heart. She loves her sisters well and protects them. She loves Jesus; her understanding of him and his love her at 4yrs old totally blows me away. She loves artwork and is constantly drawing amazing pictures. One day she told me that she wants to be an artist when she grows up so that she can make pictures to send to people who are sad. I mean, really? So. Sweet. 

Kinzie is my crazy one. She has more energy and spunk than any kid I have ever known. She is so curious all of the time and has to know how everything works. She is so smart and so determined. She loves well, even for 3yrs old. The way that she comes and snuggles next to me and tells me she loves me just melts my heart. She has a tenderness in the midst of the craziness that melts me. I learn so much from her about passion and joy and excitement for life. 

Koley has the best smile. Ever. She can light up a room with her smile. She is always smiling and wants to be in the center of the action. She loves her sisters so much and wants to do everything they are doing. She is a touch little cookie; not much phases her and she keeps up with the big girls really well. She is always so happy and it is contagious. Peter and I constantly say to each other, "She just kills me." Her expressions, her mannerisms, the way she walks; she brings us so much joy. 

They all do. These three beauties are such an amazing blessing from the Lord. 

How did I get so lucky as to be married to my best friend? Peter is amazing. He spreads joy and life wherever He goes. His passion for life is contagious. He is the most generous person I have ever known. He will literally give you the shirt off your back because he truly cares about you. He holds material things loosely and is willing to sacrifice anything for someone he sees that needs help. He loves people and has never met a stranger. In so many ways, he is totally the opposite of me, but he balances me out perfectly. I have learned and grown and become so much better of a person by being with him. He makes me want to be better; a better person, a better follower of Jesus, a better friend, a better mother, a better wife; just better. There is no one else that I would want to do this Honduras thing with. I adore him. 

And these next photos are how life in the Stockton house usually is: total chaos. 

Thank you Leah Hope Photography for capturing our family so well!!!